so my family plays this game where if someone is holding something and you yell “drop the bass” they have to drop what they’re holding so my mom was holding a carton of eggs so i yelled it and she looked me dead in the eye, dropped then eggs on the floor and whispered “you’ve gone too far”
that dog is way too calm to literally be giving birth
Sweet fucking Jesus
oh fucking hell
also could the world quit telling bisexual people that theyre pansexual okay if a person identifies as bisexual theyre fuckin bisexual, if a person identifies as pansexual then theyre fuckin pansexual youre not the fuckin orientation police
yes friends let us blaze the marijuana! four hundred and twenty haha
The lack of tattoos on my body is highly upsetting.
(white girl voice) wait lemme go to the bathroom
are you saying only females of the white race urinate
i am an asian female and i can back this up, i havent urinated since 1902
How old r u
*whispers* how long have you been 17
I know what you are
Say it.Say it out loud.
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS POST.
Own your body!
do you ever shift in bed slightly and suddenly youre in the most perfect sleeping position ever and you feel like the fucking planets are aligned
i just ordered dominos and they gave me this
so i was like what the fuck and complained (literally how do u even eat this? tell me.) and they gave me another pizza and i was so excited to see how like perfectly constructed this next pizza was gonna be because wouldn’t you assume they would care more in order to Satisfy the Customer. well
i am suing dominos and i hate america
I can never get enough of this
Take note: this is how to properly disarm someone. Always go to the outside of the arm, not the inside.
ah yes I have been doing it wrong the whole time it seems cowering in fear was not the first step
So I watched Aladdin this morning on Disney Channel and this popped up in the end ;-;
Some people have sex and that’s okay
Some people don’t have sex and that’s also okay
but what’s NOT okay is putting fucking ketchup in your god damn mac and cheese